NALA SAGA: Prologue to an Orcish Epic. Here's the plot: Nala, an 11 year old orc, becomes entangled to a boy soldier, who's being kept alive by a demon in a dagger.
Commenting to give this chapter a "fresh Like" since the revisions. Your writing style is very inspiring! I could feel the movement portrayed by the words. This still holds up as a strong opener to a fantastic story.
I'm glad it feels like it moves. Because dreams are so important to the magic system in Ugria, I wanted to start with a dream so bad that Nala actually had to wake herself up from it.
A really intriguing opening. I love the details of her home and family life, and the dream was so intense and well paced. I am excited to see where this goes.
Reading along with the audio definitely creates a mental visual. Like I was in the boys mind, peering through as he hunts. And Nala? I’ve got to know what’s up with her. Fine work 👏🏽
ANTHONY this updated chapter is BREATHTAKING! Way to jump right into the action. The way you exlressed each detail, you are immediately thrown into the scene alongside Nala and Bakura. Incredibly written!!
Omg Anthony! I found some of your people! They are on Very Social Animal. Please check it out. I instantly thought of you!!! I think you’ll love it there! Let me know.
This was beautiful 😍 the way you seamlessly blended the poetry into the story in the form of her dreams. Describing confusing dreams is tricky but I think you pulled it off. You could feel her adolescents and eagerness to grow. The details about her tusks really threw the reader right into her mindset and current state.
My whole game is IMMERSION, and I spent about a year experimenting with different styles, trying to see what actually made immersion happen, v. what was a cool idea but didn’t actually work…
When I started to experiment with poetry, I was like…
I noticed the elements of poetry in this right away. Even without "prelude" many of the lines were naturally iambic. I also appreciated the rhymes throughout. I'm intrigued to see if this is your style generally or if we're about to take a hard turn into more conventional prose.
No, I missed it. My undergrad degree was exercise physiology, and my MFA had me reading Dostoyevsky and McCarthy, so I'm a bit behind in that regard. I'm working to make that up as I teach as an adjunct, which is helping quite a lot.
Those both sound like pretty killer degrees! You're not behind. I'm just a nerd haha. I'll explain it below, if you're interesting.
Homeric Verse is just a different kind of rhythm. All you gotta know is: a "drop" is a weak syllable, and a "lift" is a stressed syllable.
An iamb is "drop LIFT."
A trochee is "LIFT drop." Shakespeare uses a remarkable amount of trochees to sort of JOLT the actor awake, to syncopate the rhythm of their speech in some way, to be like "HEY, HEY BUD, YOU'RE PLAYING MACBEEZIE, AND MACBEEZIE HASN'T SLEPT IN THREE MONTHS, SO GET READY FOR SOME STRANGE SOUNDING SENTENCES."
Both an iamb and a trochee are two syllable patterns, but Homer wrote in a different form called Dactylic Hexameter. Meaning there are 6 lifts in a line, and you do it in triplets. "BAH-duh-dah," instead of "To BE, or NOT..."
So a line of Homer has a very particular feel to it. It'll feel a little something like this...
"BAM, buh-buh BOOM yuggah-DUH! ...ba-doo BAM, but no, NO... MORE..."
Or in my case... "Careless, he turns far too fast. Slow… motion fall. There goes..."
Yes, it made perfect sense. I actually teach the basics of meter and metric feet in an intro lit course, but I was not familiar with Homeric verse. Dactylic Hexameter told me what to look for. Thank you for the full explanation.
Moonthread (and the rest of that trilogy) are going to be released August, September, and October 2026. Until then, Moonthread will live here, when (and if) you’re ready to read it.
“Nala had always wondered why they did things by hand when they could use magic.” - you
That reminds me of how I feel when I’m making a digital drawing. I often use a Fill tool to color my drawings (before adding details/textures), but sometimes I color by hand, and that’s more fun. It simply is.
thanks for sharing! there was some nice prose throughout! as a mage lover i’m really interested in seeing how your magic system will develop.
Thanks Evie! I loved making the magic. And there is a LOT of it in book 1....
Really dig how you ended this. Will def keep an eye out for the next part!
I'm happy to hear that, Morgen! It's mutual.
Commenting to give this chapter a "fresh Like" since the revisions. Your writing style is very inspiring! I could feel the movement portrayed by the words. This still holds up as a strong opener to a fantastic story.
Thank you so much for that, Allura!
I'm glad it feels like it moves. Because dreams are so important to the magic system in Ugria, I wanted to start with a dream so bad that Nala actually had to wake herself up from it.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, please keep up the good work and I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.
You’re welcome, is this your first story? When did you realize you wanted to write?
I've written hundreds of songs, a handful of scrapped plays, and a few short stories. But this is the first work of fiction I'm releasing.
It's been a wild journey, actually! My degree is in acting, and the best thing I ever learned during that program was how to be bored.
That's where the magic hides.
Are you a writer?
Ooh I see
My degree is in graphic design, which I ended up hating, lol.
I am a writer, technically, I mean, I’m working on my first novel and I’m hoping to finish it before the year ends
That's thrilling! May I ask what the premise is?
Yes, it’s about a young man who is bound by blood magic to work for a sorceress who wants even more power
That sounds right up my alley!
Thanks Gene! I appreciate you reading/hearing it :)
Awesome!
I appreciate the link to the beginning of the story!
I'm really glad that was useful!
It's always nice seeing you. Anthony
A really intriguing opening. I love the details of her home and family life, and the dream was so intense and well paced. I am excited to see where this goes.
Thanks for reading, Graeme!
May I ask how you pronounce your name? :)
Absolutely, it's a weird Scottish spelling of Graham. Pronounced -Gray um-.
I look forward to reading more. I have bookmarked it so I can continue. 😊
Reading along with the audio definitely creates a mental visual. Like I was in the boys mind, peering through as he hunts. And Nala? I’ve got to know what’s up with her. Fine work 👏🏽
Eyyyyy big thanks, Haregue!! That's absolutely the feeling I was hoping to create in you.
^,^
ANTHONY this updated chapter is BREATHTAKING! Way to jump right into the action. The way you exlressed each detail, you are immediately thrown into the scene alongside Nala and Bakura. Incredibly written!!
Yay thanks!!! I feel like this is the strongest this chapter has been!
Omg Anthony! I found some of your people! They are on Very Social Animal. Please check it out. I instantly thought of you!!! I think you’ll love it there! Let me know.
Did you check them out? I really believe they are speaking your language!
This was beautiful 😍 the way you seamlessly blended the poetry into the story in the form of her dreams. Describing confusing dreams is tricky but I think you pulled it off. You could feel her adolescents and eagerness to grow. The details about her tusks really threw the reader right into her mindset and current state.
Ahhhh what a dream comment for me.
My whole game is IMMERSION, and I spent about a year experimenting with different styles, trying to see what actually made immersion happen, v. what was a cool idea but didn’t actually work…
When I started to experiment with poetry, I was like…
“I’m home.”
I noticed the elements of poetry in this right away. Even without "prelude" many of the lines were naturally iambic. I also appreciated the rhymes throughout. I'm intrigued to see if this is your style generally or if we're about to take a hard turn into more conventional prose.
Thanks for sharing!
I'm glad you liked it!
Funny you bring up "iambic." Shakespeare is my biggest influence, BUT...
Can you spot the Homeric line? :)
No, I missed it. My undergrad degree was exercise physiology, and my MFA had me reading Dostoyevsky and McCarthy, so I'm a bit behind in that regard. I'm working to make that up as I teach as an adjunct, which is helping quite a lot.
But yeah, the Shakespeare comes through for sure.
Those both sound like pretty killer degrees! You're not behind. I'm just a nerd haha. I'll explain it below, if you're interesting.
Homeric Verse is just a different kind of rhythm. All you gotta know is: a "drop" is a weak syllable, and a "lift" is a stressed syllable.
An iamb is "drop LIFT."
A trochee is "LIFT drop." Shakespeare uses a remarkable amount of trochees to sort of JOLT the actor awake, to syncopate the rhythm of their speech in some way, to be like "HEY, HEY BUD, YOU'RE PLAYING MACBEEZIE, AND MACBEEZIE HASN'T SLEPT IN THREE MONTHS, SO GET READY FOR SOME STRANGE SOUNDING SENTENCES."
Both an iamb and a trochee are two syllable patterns, but Homer wrote in a different form called Dactylic Hexameter. Meaning there are 6 lifts in a line, and you do it in triplets. "BAH-duh-dah," instead of "To BE, or NOT..."
So a line of Homer has a very particular feel to it. It'll feel a little something like this...
"BAM, buh-buh BOOM yuggah-DUH! ...ba-doo BAM, but no, NO... MORE..."
Or in my case... "Careless, he turns far too fast. Slow… motion fall. There goes..."
[next line]
"...His footing. He seems to hang...
Suspended in the air, until the ground
Slams into him."
^.^
Did any of that make sense?
Yes, it made perfect sense. I actually teach the basics of meter and metric feet in an intro lit course, but I was not familiar with Homeric verse. Dactylic Hexameter told me what to look for. Thank you for the full explanation.
Looking forward to reading the rest of these, or maybe just waiting to buy the book. I see you're at proof stage. Congrats!!!
Well, I’m on the proof stage for the MYTHS!
That way there’s something to release right away.
Moonthread (and the rest of that trilogy) are going to be released August, September, and October 2026. Until then, Moonthread will live here, when (and if) you’re ready to read it.
^.^
Cool- then keep reading here I will!
An interesting fantasy world with great imagery you've got going here. I smiled at Nala's tusks hurting more than she'd expected.
Thanks C! That was from a very early draft, and it's never left since actually. Maybe year and a half ago or so?
Anthony…
This cover image has no right to go this hard! 😮💨👏🏻
“Nala had always wondered why they did things by hand when they could use magic.” - you
That reminds me of how I feel when I’m making a digital drawing. I often use a Fill tool to color my drawings (before adding details/textures), but sometimes I color by hand, and that’s more fun. It simply is.
I was hoping someone would pick that passage out.
I love hearing about your process, too!
Hey thanks Aiden!
What kind of stuff do you like to write?
That's amazing! When you say "loyalty" is a theme... Is betrayal something that pops up a lot in your story?
Awesome! And what about the theme you call "identity"? What do you mean by that?